The Great Ocean in the Sky
Just thinking. If you decide to read this, be my guest. But don’t judge me for it.
So I kind of had a strange afternoon.
I get home from class, kind of proud of myself because I actually returned some frosting that I never ended up using for someone’s birthday. I walk up the stairs slowly, trying to focus the weight off my shoulder, as it hurt from lugging around a 30lb backpack all day.
I push my bedroom door, and throw my backpack on the floor. It lands with a huge thud, making the whole second floor shake. I stride over to my fish, waiting for both to begin prancing across their tanks, excited to see me.
Androgynous flares playfully at me, and I poke his tank, having him shoot off to the other side of the tank. I glance over at Chamomile’s tank.
She’s nowhere to be found. I looked around, expecting her to be lost somewhere in the mess she calls vegetation.
Nothing.
I shrug, assuming in a blind bat. and turn on the desk lamp over her tank.
Nothing.
I shake her tank.
Nothing.
My heart begins to race. I’m panicking. I unplug her heater, splashing a bit of water onto the carpet in my hastiness. I take her tank to my bathroom sink and pull out off of the weeds, cave, everything.
The tank is empty.
Fish just don’t disappear. I run back to my room hoping to find her somewhere, struggling to breath. My knees buckled.
Nothing.
I didn’t cry. I didn’t get upset. I ask Andro a few times where she was. He would just flit to the other side of his tank. He was right. She was gone.
I wasn’t upset mostly because she was dead. I was upset because I couldn’t find her. That I couldn’t give her the proper burial. To say a few words on her behalf, and wish her blessings to the great ocean in the sky.
This is the most recent death I’ve “seen” around me. The last real death was my mother’s dog like 3-4 years ago. That was tragic. We all cried. I think to myself,
Don’t cry. What’s the use in crying if she’s already happy. I only wish the best for her.
The doctor in me says not to dwell on it, and its the best for her.
Yes. I’m talking about a fish I know. But be it a fish, a bird, a dog, or a person, its all life. I treat it all with great care, especially when its a pet I own.
What can I say I learned from this? Life just goes on, and its someting I should prepare myself to see more often in my future.
Like I said I’m not completely heartbroken, crying, etc.
I’m hurt yes. Tears sting my eyes yes. But I’ll still smile knowing she swims around me wherever I go.
I’m sure you’re thinking, god Eliza its just a fish chill out. Get over it, it doesn’t matter. To me it does =) Its like losing a friend.
Bleh, I’ve rambled enough. Good night.
I loved her, and I wish her the best.Rest in Peace
Chamomile
1/19/09-11/09/09
